THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS
HERTFORDSHIRE
FRIENDSHIP
1 FRIENDLY RIVALRY
John Lennon and Paul McCartney are “widely considered one of the greatest, best known, and most successful musical collaborations ever… [between 1962 and 1970] the partnership published approximately 180 jointly credited songs”*.
“Although Lennon and McCartney often wrote independently… it was rare that a song would be completed without some input from both writers. In many instances, one writer would sketch an idea or a song fragment and take it to the other to finish or improve; in some cases, two incomplete songs or song ideas that each had worked on individually would be combined into a complete song. Often one of the pair would add a middle […] section to the other's verse and chorus. [The Beatles producer] George Martin attributed the high quality of their songwriting to the friendly rivalry between the two.”*
Though clearly very close, they also had a huge falling out, which was partly played out in public through thinly veiled song lyrics about each other. When Paul took a swipe at John in the lyrics of ‘Too Many People’ John wrote a particularly vitriolic response in ‘How Do You Sleep?’ By 1972, however, things seemed to have calmed down, with John saying in a TV interview, “If I can’t have a fight with my best friend, I don’t know who I can have a fight with.”**
QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:
Do you think it is possible to be good friends with someone you work with? Would it help or hinder your work. Would it help or hinder your relationship?
Have you ever had a friendship that felt competitive, what happened? Are you still friends? Did the competition motivate you?
Lennon and McCartney agreed as teenagers that all songs written by them (whether individually or jointly) should be attributed to the duo ‘Lennon-McCartney’. Why might this agreement have affected their creativity positively?
Do your friends inspire you? In what way?
Do you think male friendships may still be adversely affected by outdated views regarding homosexuality? In what way?
Do you ever argue with your friends? Does it affect your friendship? If so, how?
In your experience why do friendships end? What would it take for you to end a friendship?
If you got in contact with a friend that you’d lost touch with, do you imagine this would be a success or a failure?
There are numerous examples of songwriters playing out their grievances with friends and lovers in song lyrics (eg ‘You’re So Vain’ by Carly Simon written about three men including the actor Warren Beatty). If you could write a hit song about someone you’ve fallen out with, would you? What would you say?
By: Sharda Dean, THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS Group Member & Host of TEiP HERTFORDSHIRE
SOURCES:
* Lennon-McCartney - Wikipedia
** John Lennon - the Mike Douglas Show 1972 [there’s a recording on YouTube if you’re interested].
2 I’M BOB
One night a small spaceship from another planet lands in your back garden. The hatch opens and an alien emerges from the smoky mist. He speaks perfect English and looks like a 30-year-old man.
He says, “I’m Bob. Put the kettle on, I’m gasping.”
Five minutes later you and Bob are drinking tea and he says, “I’ve been studying human beings for a while, but one thing I don’t understand is friendship. On our planet we have family, we have spouses and we have work colleagues, these all have clear purposes, but what is friendship and what is its purpose?”
As you drink tea together, the alien has many other questions. In your groups, discuss your responses to his questions.
QUESTIONS FROM BOB:
What is friendship and what is its purpose?
What’s the difference between a work colleague, an acquaintance and a friend? Could you neatly categorise all your non-family relationships into one of these three?
How does a friend differ from a best friend?
Please write me a simple guide to getting a best friend, starting from meeting a stranger to them becoming my best friend.
When looking for a best friend, should I be looking for certain characteristics or similarities to myself? Which similarities should I prioritize and which are just nice to have?
Once I have made a friend, how can I be a good friend back?
What if my new friend is mean to me? How much meanness is OK and how much is too much? How do I know the difference?
I hear that there is a crisis of loneliness on your planet, is this true? What has caused this?
What one thing would you suggest we do that would cause the biggest reduction in loneliness? Money is no object.
By: Sharda Dean, THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS Group Member & Host of TEiP HERTFORDSHIRE
3 WHEN HARRY MET SALLY
In a well-known scene in the 1989 romantic comedy ‘When Harry Met Sally’ written by Nora Ephron, Harry says to Sally that men and women cannot be friends because sexual attraction ‘always gets in the way’.
QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:
Can men and women be friends? Are there any situations where it might be difficult? What are the conditions or situations when it might work?
Do you think it is good to remain friends with an ex? How would you feel if your partner was still friends with all their previous romantic partners?
Do you think there is a difference in how men and women approach friendship? What could women learn from men or vice versa?
Do you think there are other differences (eg in terms of someone’s age, nationality, class, race or sexuality) that might affect someone’s approach to friendship?
Do you have friends who are different to you (eg in terms of age, sexuality, class, race, political opinion, religious belief or any other difference the group would like to discuss)? Have those friendships changed or challenged you in anyway?
Are there any types of people that you may struggle to be friends with? Why?
If people tend to be friends with people who are like them, why might that be? Is it a problem? How might they go about meeting different people if they wanted to?
If someone was to create a ‘friendship app’ using AI, do you think this would have the same positive effect as a ‘real’ friend? Could it be better than a real friend? In what way might it be worse? If we sent it to every person in your country who was lonely, what effects might it have on them (or on the country)?
BY: Sharda Dean, THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS Group
SOURCES:
Reiner, R. (Director). (1989). When Harry Met Sally... [Film]. Castle Rock Entertainment.
THE AUTHOR OF TONIGHT’S THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS
Sharda Dean is an economist, wedding celebrant and community builder who lives in Potters Bar in Hertfordshire.
She runs two groups on Meetup: a social group called ‘Meet, Chat, Laugh’ and ‘Thought Experiments in Hertfordshire’, part of the THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS (TEiP) network founded by Bonny Astor.
Sharda has been an active member of the TEiP London community since 2025 and has contributed original thought experiments to London events. In writing thought experiments, Sharda draws inspiration from all the love, loss, joy, heartbreak and the occasional bout of rage she has experienced in her 50+ years. She also reads widely, listens to a lot of Radio 4, has three sons and three degrees in economics.
Lets be friends on Instagram: @thoughtexperimentsinpubs
